• Tamara S. Graham

Incoming Soul Wears Big Girl Pants

“Pain travels through family lines until someone is ready to heal it in themselves.

By going through the agony of healing you no longer

pass the poison chalice onto the generations that follow.

It is incredibly important and sacred work.”

~ Judith Orloff, M.D.


If it is true that the soul chooses it’s parents, my soul must have been sent to Earth wearing “big girl pants!” God won't give you more than she thinks you can handle, hmmm. She must have thought I was hella strong. She was right, I am!


Somewhere out in the universe I was just a sparkling star getting brighter and brighter waiting with great anticipation to be born to Mother Earth. I think I finally realized in order to do that, I would have to come through a human mother.


I was being called by the heart of a woman who was already a teenage mother. I feel like she put all of her hopes and dreams into a wish that my little soul would arrive and make life better for her. That is a heavy burden to carry as an infant! She must have thought, “Maybe this baby’s father will not run scared and leave me all alone to raise his child.” At seventeen, that was a huge wish.


I was physically created by a broken egg-mother and a broken seed-father yearning for completion. My dad was one of 12 children, and my mom was abandoned by her mother and raised by her grandparents while her father lived in the same town, remarried and raised 4 more kids. I think both of them had self-worth issues and adding more of life's tragedies proved to be a heavy burden. They both lost siblings under tragic and devastating circumstances and never really were the same after that. I can honestly say I may never have seen their authentic selves, the souls they came here to be.

I must have agreed to spend this lifetime expressing my nurturing skills to everyone including my own parents. I consequently would need to work through a lineage of parental pain while raising my own two highly sensitive children.


I have always put others’ needs first and my natural ability to nurture has attracted plenty of opportunities to “mother” everyone around me. I didn’t know it at the time, but those times when I snuck away to work on my own self healing were the biggest gifts I could have given my family. I wish I hadn’t carried such self-inflicted guilt. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that. Perhaps this is why my heart’s story is finally getting anchored in print. I am seeing very clearly now!


Being a highly sensitive soul myself, I could not help but absorb the dysfunction of my family environment and my DNA’s lineage. Aside from what’s happening in real time, I believe generation after generation of pain can be passed down through the DNA. All of those bundles of invisible sparks can get triggered, zapping us and begging to be healed. They show themselves seemingly when you least expect it, or perhaps when you are emotionally prepared to deal with them. Every stage of healing presents new layers to unfold. Discover, acknowledge and adjust... it's worth it!


I know that some of those dormant sparks can contain genetic wisdom and skills that got passed down also. I look back now and can really appreciate the gifts and skills I gained from my journey that have made me who I am today. Just like electrical current flows from negative electrons to positive, we can shift our own experiences too. Our soul reminds us with those sparks and zaps of life. I have realized that if I don’t hear the universal whispers guiding me for awareness and redirection - Zzzzap! "Choose love" they seem to say.

My inner child is also my higher self and she has zapped me often as if jumping up and waving to say, “Don’t forget about me!” I am eternally grateful for that inner spark. As I have worked through all of life's up and downs, my inner child/higher self was right there with me as my best friend and amazing teacher. She has helped me metabolize all of the good in the world and process all of the bad. It is with her help that I have been a thriver not just a survivor, and it is time she was shared with the world.


My lifelong dream has been to write children’s books and to all the sensitive souls out there, no matter what age, these books are for you too. Coming very soon www.TheSunshineBooks.com



About Tamara S. Graham

Tami is grateful for all of her Highly Sensitive Person traits because they have made her who she is today: an optimistic, nurturing soul, full of great compassion. Being a mother has been her hardest and most rewarding job since her unique and sensitive children have been her greatest inspiration and teachers. She is currently writing a series of children’s books for HSP families. Follow this blog for more of her heartfelt ponderings about life and love. Or sign-up above for her weekly emails as she continues writing from her heart.



{Copyright 2020 - Most photos are the property of Tamara S. Graham unless noted otherwise}

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